Balls!

Half term looms, and so it is high time for a bit of semi-serious fun. Being an Economics teacher, I like to think that I can solve every problem. Every so often in lessons, I find myself irresistibly drawn to beginning a sentence by saying ‘If I were running the country …’ This is usually a cue for a collective groan from the students, who naturally wonder what pearl of wisdom is about to emerge from my lips. I plough on regardless – one has one’s duty after all, and the students are still huffy about a prior comment I made re banning driving until age 21…

Anyway … football is losing its soul, lets face it. If we care about this, how as Economists can we provide the correct incentive mechanisms to fix it? I find myself drawn to the following ideas:

• The exorbitant salaries at the top end of the game act as a disincentive to care about performances at the national level. Too many of our pampered professionals don’t seem to care, despite professing a love for the national shirt. Let’s test their levels of motivation by asking them to pay a refundable deposit every two years, based on a % of their salaries. If they perform, they get the money back. If they don’t, the money is kept and distributed to the grass roots of the game. If they don’t want to pay this deposit, fine. Give the so-called ‘lesser’ players a chance to show what they can do.
• The American draft system is an excellent idea – bring it into the top levels of football – level the playing field (did you see what I did there?);
• Please hurry up and bring in a system whereby clubs cannot live beyond their means: institute an enforceable system whereby any breaches of a salary/revenue percentage maximum are dealt with harshly, via points deduction and enforced relegation if necessary;
• Re-brand the Champions’ League, for obvious reasons. Back in the day, it was only champions who could win it. 1967 and 1982 are excellent examples. I understand the need for revenue generation in the modern game, but call the competition something else, like the ‘Snouts in the Trough Challenge’;
• Good people of the Home Counties, Manchester United is not for you! There are only two acceptable reasons for supporting a football team: either you have a geographic connection, or a familial one. Any other reason, such as liking the team because they win things, is unacceptable. Fans that are discovered to be breaking these rules should be forced to watch only rugby for the rest of their lives as a punishment.

Sorted. Enjoy half term!