For sale - one entire nation (slightly chilled)

Gallows humour never goes amiss during troubled times. So it comes as little surprise that the problems befalling Iceland have had the comics out in force. Now, what I am bid for Iceland…

There are some great questions and answers between the bidders and seller of Iceland on ebay:

For example;

Q: Hi, my name is ANN CHOVY. I don’t want to CARP on about it, and without wishing to SKATE around the issue, would you consider selling this item to someone who is hard of HERRING and has a MULLET haircut? I have the necessary funds in PLAICE. 10-Oct-08
A: Dont ne a S-Prat
.
Q: Can you let me know if my mum is still there? She went last week & hasn’t returned
A: All Mums will be removed before the item is sold.

Q: What a pity…. my husband would have loved this for Christmas but I can only stretch to £9,999,999.99. Please let me know if the winning bidder cannot secure the funds in time
A: I will keep you in mind if the winning bidder fails to pay.

Q: If I win, can the national anthem be changed to: Yo ice let’s kick it Ice ice land (x2) All right stop bankrupt and wishin’ Iceland is pwnd with a brand new auction Something grabs a hold of me FTSE Down like a harpoon daily and nightly Will it ever stop yo I don’t know Turn off the lights and I’ll glow To the extreme I withdraw cash like a vandal Light up an ATM and wax a teller like a candle Bank go run to the doom that loom’ I’m loosin yo cash like a poisonous mushroom Deadly when I watch david belamy Anything less than the best is a felony Take it or leave it you better gain interest You better hit bull’s eye the kid don’t play If there was a problem yo I’ll solve it I’m Gordon Brown here to revolve it Ice ice land vanilla Ice ice land (oh-oh) vanilla Ice ice land vanilla Ice ice land vanilla ice Yo man let’s get out of here Word to your mother Ice ice land too cold Ice ice land too cold too cold (x2) Ice ice land
A:

Q: Is this transaction covered by paypal?
A: I hope so, I will be expecting immediate payment.

Q: I would love to bid, but eBay seems to only count up to 10,000,000 - it won’t accept higher bids. By the way, Iceland seems a lot smaller in your picture than I remember it, when I last flew over it it looked ‘pretty big’ - but not quite as big as the Isle of Wight.A: I am ‘fairly’ happy with the £10 million.
Q: If I win the auction for Iceland is it possible that my payment will be frozen? 09-Oct-08
A: Nice gag. I am shattered - so I am going to bed. Q&A will resume soon. http://www.marmaland.com/blog.html
Q: Hi , do you have a buy it now price and should I be the lucky bidder how much is delivery to wellingborough Northants . Regards ssshedmman 09-Oct-08
A: Ah now you may be in luck there, I have a meeting in Wellingborough in a couple of weeks - I could drop it off for you.
Q: Would you take payment in Woolworths shares? 09-Oct-08
A: I would take Pick n Mix, heavy on the peanut brittle please.
Q: Is this a collect only or will you send and do you do cash on delivery? I do have a large van. 09-Oct-08
A: Collection from Croydon only. Get your van at the ready.
Q: I’m rather concerned about the geological features of the country - do you offer volcano/earthquake insurance? 09-Oct-08
A: Try, Direct Line Insurance Call: 0845 246 3761
Q: ?? ????????? ??????? ??????? ????????? ?????????? ?????????? ??????????. ??????? ?????????? ??? ?????????? ???????????!!! 09-Oct-08
A: I will not end the illegal measures!
Q: Noticed on the high street you had Penguins buy one get one free is that offer still on?..or will they all be free after purchase?..How many P.P.P.P.Penguins have you got?,mint?,orange? 09-Oct-08
A: Ah ha - I was hoping to see some penguins. I can sleep happy now.
Q: Robert Mugabe here- Ah wos tinkin that after you have sold Iceland you might consider sellin Zimbabwe and remitting de proceeds to de Hanky Panky Bank in de high street Switzerland i would be willin to give you 5% of de proceeds De bank account number is 320308801162- now dere is a coincidence 09-Oct-08
A: Greetings Bobby. I would be up for that, but I suspect after this my ebaying days are numbered.
Q: Hi! There is a rumour going around that you have secretly pre-sold it to the Rt Hon Brown G. for £500,000,000,000, what will the real price be after all the discounts and special offers? Does he snipe? 09-Oct-08
A: To be honest I am sitting here quite happily spending the £10k in my mind.
Q: Would you be willing to sell any bits separately? I’ve just started a money lending business and I’m told I need a few big geysers. 09-Oct-08
A: Nice pun. P.S. lend us a tenner?
Q: On average if i chipped (in to ice cubes) this country how many glasses of coke would it fill? 09-Oct-08
A: Five big ones.
Q: Hi I am member of a group that don’t get out much , some not at all, could you tell me charge to tow the said item to Uk ? 09-Oct-08
A: We may have a problem here…..clearly I have to ‘get out more’ too.